Puppy Love

Kahapon may nakasakay ako sa jeep na dalawang highschool students. Tingin ko 1st year o 2nd year lang sila at mukang galing sa eskwela dahil naka-uniform pa. Kaming tatlo lang ang laman ng jeep at sa maikling panahon na nakasabay ko sila, natuwa ako ng husto sa mga nakita ko (hindi sila clown, naaliw lang talaga ko).

Dun sila sa likod ng driver umupo, ako naman di lang kalayuan sa kanila. Napaka-tipikal na school works ang pinag-uusapan nila kaya di ko napansin agad ang dapat kong napansin nung una pa lang. Pero di bale, nakita ko rin naman kalaunan.

Nung nagpaalam yung babae dahil mauuna siyang bumaba, isang simpleng tapik lang sa balikat yung iniwan niya sa lalake sabay sambit ng “kita na lang tayo bukas”. Yung ngiti ng lalake ang nagpaintindi sakin ng lahat ng dapat kong maintindihan. Yung ngiting kinikilig pero ayaw ipahalata. Yung ngiting sa mata mo muna makikita bago sa labi. Yung ngiting tinatago mo sa likod ng bimpo o panyo para di makita ng iba. Yung ngiting awkward pero alam mong galing sa puso. Yung ngiting nagsasabi na “gusto kita pero shit natotorpe ako ng sobra”. 

Akala ko one way road ang bugso ng pagmamahal na nakita ko. Pero as usual, mali ako.

Nakababa na yung babae, naglalakad na palayo at yung jeep dahan dahan ng bumabalik sa kalsada para ituloy ang byahe. Nagulat ako ng yung babae lumingon pabalik. Yung lingon na iisang tao lang ang gustong makita. Yung lingon na deretso sa mata at tagos sa puso. Yung lingon na paulit ulit babalikan ng isipan mo. Yung lingon na may kasamang ngiti at kaway na makatunaw damdamin. Yung lingon na nagsasabing “ingat ka, ayokong may mangyari sayo”. 

Anak ng… Mutual pala yung feelings. At natuwa ako dun. Alam mong espesyal sila sa isa’t isa kahit walang ginagamit na salita. Alam mong may mabubuong pagmamahal, kahit hindi pa ngayon at hindi pa bukas at hindi sa makalawa. Alam mong may maganda silang simula.

Lahat ng tao dumadaan sa ganito. Lahat ng tao dumadaan sa mga simpleng pagkakataon na nagdadala ng kilig sa puso. 

Nakakatuwang makita yung ganitong klase ng pagmamahal. Yung klase na gagawin lahat mapangiti ka lang. Yung klase na magpapapansin kahit magmukang tanga. Yung klase na dadaanin ka pa sa sintunadong harana. Yung klase na kailangan ka pang itulak ng barkada para umamin na. Yung klase na kahit mababaw at simple, napapasaya ka ng sobra.

Puppy love nga naman. 

Snuff it is

I was reading a pink book,
Not that anyone will take a second look,
But it was a chance I took.

The first words came hard,
I felt wounded as hell, scarred.
Felt like my innocence ran across the yard.

As I went on, it became easier.
The words sounded better.
My eyes now seeing clearer.

The bold lines took my attention.
The daring story threw me to another dimension.
The bit of genius sat in my brain for retention.

Pornography, is that what they call it?
Lust-inflicted, sensual-driven to the last bit.
Drives your hormones out of wit. 

Breasts, vaginas, penises-everything tight.
All things that give society a damn fright.
It’s all there in black and white.

In a world where sex is just a job.
After the meat shot, everyone’s snob.
And your heart just never gets to throb.

Drink a little, break a heel.
Maybe take the dreaded sildenafil.
But never ever let your semen spill.

Lie there beautifully in white satin.
Be sexy, be sultry, show that skin.
Let that vase topple over from sin.

It is the pedestal of broken dreams.
Wanna-be actresses bursting at the seams.
Settling for mediocre sexual schemes.

Instead of a stage, you have a bed.
Instead of acting, you moan in dread.
And you almost wished that you were dead.

You fuck in front of the camera.
Let yourself get poked by men in viagra.
All for the erotic pleasure of people masturbating out of karma.

You earn money by getting fucked.
Boys line up to get you fucked.
And you whisper to yourself, “my life is so damn fucked”.

Women who lost sense of who they are. 
Hopeless, they hid respect in a broken jar.
And smiled for the lights that showed them all their scars.

It’s the ugly world you dare not look at.
It’s the truth that lurks beneath your stupid hat.
The reality you deny so you could be a socially accepted brat.

It’s the thing that can never be embraced by society.
This bunch of morons propagating holiness and religiosity.
But leaving the lowest ones to the devil deity. 

Throw your innocence out the door.
Look at the shit cluttered at your floor.
Buy a packet of open-mindedness from the store.

See the world for what it really is.
Accept that reality’s anything but bliss.
Open your eyes the next time you pout your lips for a kiss. 

Thoughts

Beautiful Creatures—I watched it again today.

I used to think that The Notebook was the ultimate romantic novel but then I came across this movie from a while back and it felt like my soul was sucked out from my body, transferred to a crystal ball or in my case, a flat screen and I sat there, watching my own thoughts, my own life.

Now let me be clear, I’m not a caster. But it did feel like I’m watching my own life just minus all the power and the magic involved.

I remembered this dialogue—
Lena: You just can’t help it, can you?
Ethan: Can’t help what?
Lena: Fitting in. Drooling charm wherever you go.

I see my boyfriend in Ethan. He’s the ultimate people person. Everybody likes him. He can fit in anywhere. He can talk to anybody and is friends with everybody. He can whiff up a conversation out of thin air and get you to talk. He’s got the most epic sense of humor. He always speaks his mind. He finds a way to stir your interests. He’s brutally honest and frank but miraculously, it’s all delivered in a friendly manner. He’s such a charmer that girls flock around him. It’s like when femininity starts craving for attention, craving for someone to talk to, he’s always the one they call. Which at times, stirs up the jealousy in me. He’s super friendly and he’s got this absolutely light personality that’s just fun to be around with. 

And well, I’m pretty much like Lena. A shut in. It takes an awful lot of time before I could have a comfortable conversation with someone. I find it hard to just open myself and trust people. Growing up with a set of expectations always laid out in front of you, you eventually get tired of all the judgements. And in the end, you just feel like no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough. I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t fit in or can’t fit in. I’m not one of the super hot, ridiculously pretty, absolutely popular type of girls. I’m not the super geeky, wanna-be-scientist, know-it-all type of girls. I’m not one of the athletic, well-toned, i-love-to-sweat type of girls. I’m not one of the politically-inclined, change-driven, student body president type of girls. I’m not one of the artistic, Van Gogh-ish, paint-to-impress type of girls. I’m not one of the musically-inclined, instrument angel/dance goddess/absolute diva type of girls. I’m not one of the theatrical, absolute performer, best-actress-ish type of girls. I’m not one of the fashionista, attention getter, clothes-are-power type of girls. I’m not one of the loud, loquacious, chatty type of girls. I’m just that girl with no category.

I can understand Lena and her concept of being alone. Because really, it’s easier to push people out than to let them in and watch them leave you. But if you do that all the time, then you’ll never know what it’s like to be loved and accepted. Ethan taught Lena to fill that void inside her heart by letting him in. My boyfriend taught me to go out of my comfort zone, to take the risk of falling in love so I’d know what it really means. 

Love is a matter of balance. And it’s so difficult to stay in between because loving too much and loving too little can both cause heartbreaks. Love entails a lot of things but one thing you don’t do is let go. You’ll know in your heart if you’re with the right person or not. It might not always be easy to explain and the future may always be unclear but to you, at that moment, you know that there’s no one else you could ever want more. And I guess that’s what matters. 

This scene always breaks my heart. This character is Amma. And in this one scene, without even a word in it, it will tell you what Lena gave up to save Ethan. It’s one thing to die for the person you love. And it’s another when you let the one you love forget about you while enduring the pain of remembering him and everything you shared. 

With all that being said, let me close this entry by sharing a line of Bukowski—
“There is a place in the heart that will never be filled, a space. There is a place in our hearts that will never be filled and we will wait and wait in that space.”

Sophia and Religio

What I hope to impart with this blog is a different perspective. A different way of looking at things, an opinion built upon different concepts that hopefully will harbor a different way of thinking. I will not be imposing a “new truth”. I will simply be presenting certain notions that are worth looking into. 

Sophia is the root word of Philosophy which means “wisdom”. Religio is the root word of Religion which originally means “reverence for God or the gods”. Looking at the title, this blog will be looking at Religion from the perspective of Philosophy. To those who doesn’t like their faith to be shaken, transposed or contradicted, then this entry might not be for you. 

The central thought here is the question—is Jesus Christ really a divine being or is he just another Socrates? 

Socrates is one of the greatest philosophers of all time who lived before Christ even set foot on earth. He goes around the town square teaching people of his concepts, hence he was called the man of the agora. He later gained a circle of pupils and admiring followers. Now doesn’t that sound a bit too familiar? That’s exactly how Jesus Christ came about. He went from town to town, preaching of what he knows then later on gaining a set of disciples. 

Socrates never wrote anything. Whatever it is that he knows he imparted through spoken language. Hence, everything that is known about him is second-hand information. A collection of inputs, statements, descriptions of people who got to know him, particularly his students. Which is the same as Jesus Christ. As far as I know, no one ever said that Jesus was the one who wrote the bible. The bible is actually a collection of tales and narratives by his disciples which in turn helped us to get to know him.

Socrates claimed to be accompanied by a certain “genius”, a familiar or highly intellectual spirit which was called a daimonion. This spirit never moved him to action but would on occasion restrain him and dissuade him from an action. Jesus Christ claimed to be accompanied by the holy spirit or the guidance of God from the heavens above which lead him to teach about life and the goodness in men.

Socrates, according to an oracle, was the wisest man there is. He turned this compliment down saying that he merely wants to know more about the world. That unlike all the other men walking on earth, he’s aware of his own ignorance. Jesus Christ, according to most people, was the son of God. But he humbled himself saying that he’s merely an instrument to do God’s bidding.

Socrates was accused with impiety or lack of respect for the gods and was therefore condemned to death by means of ingesting hemlock. He calmly accepted this judgement even if his friends proposed a safe means of flight. Jesus Christ was crucified until death because he shook the belief of those around him and like Socrates, he accepted this fate. 

Socrates believed that you have to know yourself for you to grow. Jesus Christ believed in reflection for you to move forward. That is basically the same thing. This daimonion, this holy spirit is simply our conscience. Or as Sigmund Freud likes to call it, the superego. Our most basic sense of right and wrong. So where do you think the ten commandments came from? It’s from our conscience. It’s from our basic instincts as human beings to do good and avoid harm. Everything that we need to guide us through this lifetime does not lie way above the clouds sitting on a golden throne with multiple names like God, Allah, Jehovah, etc. It lies within us, inside our mind. The goodness we seek is inside of us, not anywhere else.

Now if Jesus Christ is not a divine being and is just another Socrates, how come he was called the only begotten son of God and Socrates was known as a great philosopher? There are two scenarios that I came up with.

First, Jesus Christ just like any other man, saw the opportunity to rule above others. He saw humanity craving for something to believe in so he gave them one. But instead of appealing to man’s knowledge like Socrates, he appealed to man’s feelings. It’s like giving the people their superhero but elevating the pedestal by adding divinity. Also, not believing in superman entails no consequences so in order for people to be pulled into what we now call as religion, there should be punishments for the non-believers and rewards for the faithful. A very simple concept of humanity clearly reflected in Lawrence Kohlberg’s preconventional stage of morality. Also a very prominent feature of behavioral psychology. In the case of Christianity, the reward is the salvation of your soul and entering the gates of heaven, while the punishment is eternal agony in hell. With the reward and punishment in place, all people have to do is blindly follow.

Second scenario is the same as above except instead of Jesus Christ as the grand architect behind the foundation of Christianity, it’s the people around him. These people saw how influential the story of Jesus can be and they decided that tweaking the facts about him a little bit could start an unbreakable empire rooted on faith. Instead of just a wise man, why not make him the son of God. Instead of enlightenment through knowledge why not make him do miracles. It’s pretty much like show business. You appeal to the human desires that goes beyond mortal limits and you give it to them in the form of an idol. In this case, that idol is Jesus Christ. If this scenario is right, then I’d say their strategy was undoubtedly effective because if it was not, Vatican would be not be standing in the heart of Rome right now.

So if Jesus was just a wise man roaming around teaching people, won’t that make the bible a book of lies? Actually, it doesn’t. The way I see it, the bible is just like any other book. It tells you a story then gives you a lesson in the end. It can serve as an inspiration just like any other book can. What’s written in it are not the words of God but the words of men. It’s a book that was written, edited and revised by men for the purpose of imposing the importance of being a good man. As for the miracles stated in the bible, I see that as no different from Cinderella’s fairy godmother turning a pumpkin into a carriage so she could go to the ball. If you want miracles, then stop looking for genies, fairies, wizards or gods instead make them yourself, because they don’t appear out of thin air and they don’t fall down from the sky like snowflakes. They are brought about by people who are determined to make a change. Just like what Jim Carrey said in the movie Bruce Almighty—be the miracle. And as for prayers, I see them as nothing more than a way to reflect, contemplate and meditate which is helpful to any human being. And it also coincides with Socrates’ concept of knowing thyself.

Now I’m not saying that man is ultimate or supreme nor am I denouncing the existence of a higher being because even Aristotle accepted the concept of having a prime mover. There is a greater power responsible for the world’s existence and dynamics but it is not necessarily God or any other being that takes on a human form. For all we know, this higher power can be a fluid form of energy.

Just to leave a more prominent impression, I’d like to share Plato’s allegory of the cave. 

Imagine prisoners chained in such a way that they face the back wall of a cave. There they have been for life and can see nothing of themselves or of each other. They see only shadows on the wall of the cave. These shadows are cast by a fire that burns on a ledge above and behind them. Between the fire and the prisoners is a wall-line path along which people walk carrying vases, statutes and other artifacts on their heads. The prisoners hear the echoes of voices and see the shadows of the artifacts, and they mistake these echoes and shadows for reality. Now imagine one prisoner is unchained, he turned around and was forced to look at the true source of the shadows. But the fire pains his eyes. He prefers the pleasant deception of the shadows. Behind and above the fire is the mouth of the cave, and outside in the bright sunlight are trees, rivers and mountains. Now the former prisoner is forced up the steep and rugged ascent and brought to the sunlit exterior world. But the light blinds him. He must first look at the shadows of the trees, then at the trees and mountains. Finally he is able to see the sun itself. It is suggested that if this enlightened man was to return to the cave, he would appear ridiculous because he would see sunspots everywhere and not be able to penetrate the darkness. And if he tried to liberate his fellow prisoners, they would be so angry at him for disturbing their illusions that they would set upon him and kill him.

Knowledge is not the enemy of faith. Knowledge puts your faith in the right place. To those who believe in the line “Running with blinded eyes, faith as my guide”, I guess you have to know that you can walk with sight. You were given eyes to see where you’re going, where you are and where you’ve been. You have a mind that tells you what’s right from wrong. And if you’ll ever need a place to put your faith, put in in yourself and you might be surprised at the things you’re actually capable of. 

Cafe Avelina

Are you a coffee enthusiast like me? If yes, then I think you should try out the newest coffee shop in town—Cafe Avelina. It’s located at Sta. Barbara, Baliwag, Bulacan just in front of the INC church. My boyfriend and I tried it out yesterday and we had a pretty good time.

Let’s start with the ambience, shall we? I couldn’t think of a better adjective than super cozy. The actual shop is an up and down house that’s got this old Spanish vibe and in front of it is a beautiful patio that will just relax your stressed out nerves. There are lanterns, paintings and an assortment of furniture made out from different kinds of materials. The surroundings are serene and peaceful which is just perfect for late afternoon to early evening hangouts. A coffee shop with an open space, a hint of green, a dash of history all tied together by the sweet aroma of coffee beans.

For their menu, you can expect a wide variety of frappucinos and lattes. You can have your daily dose of caffeine over ice, ice blended or simply hot. And trust me, they do taste good. Their pastries (cakes, biscuits, brownies, muffins, etc.) are from Conti’s Bakeshop. If you’re familiar with the place then you know that those pasties are an explosion of delight in your mouth. They also serve waffles and sandwiches that would match perfectly with your favorite drink. On top of all that, if you’re looking for a slightly heavier meal to go with your coffee, then you can order pasta. They have the good old spaghetti, the classic carbonara and the ever aromatic pesto on the house. Their wide range of food and drinks are sure to satisfy your tastebuds.

The service is good. The waiters and baristas are very accommodating. You can expect your order to be at the table within 15 minutes which is a plus for me. I don’t really like waiting too long for my food. Now there are two things I’d like to point out. First, their cakes, muffins and brownies don’t have any labels on them so it’s pretty hard to tell the waiter what your exact order is. There was a lot of finger-pointing involved before I was able to straighten out my order so I hope that they will work on those labels for an easier transaction. Second, I was just curious with how they enable their customers to use their wifi. When you ask the waiters for the password, they will be the ones typing it on your phone, tablet or laptop which I find a bit awkward. I’m not quite sure if they are that worried about the password leaking or something to that effect. But all in all, it was still a good experience.

They are only open from 4pm to 1am, so if you’re looking for a place to hangout at night but you’re not a bar person then why not drop by at Cafe Avelina and get yourself a good cup of coffee.