Free Will and Humanity

I was absent-mindedly flipping through channels when a certain title caught my eye “Locked up abroad: Philippines”. I quickly looked at the upper left side of the screen and I saw National Geographic Channel. Upon seeing that, my mind tracked whatever remnant I might have about the previous episodes of that series. They were usually about innocent people illegally detained in prison. So I immediately asked myself “The stereotype is that Filipinos worship foreigners. Now one was actually illegally kept in jail?”

Soon enough, my question was answered. It was not one but twenty people. And it’s not in jail, it’s in Basilan. The documentary was about the Hostage Crisis at Dos Palmas, Palawan way back 2001. The narrator was the last hostage to be freed, Gracia Burnham. 

It was said that the objective of the Abu Sayyaf in abducting these people is to collect ransoms and have enough fund to support the autonomy and the independence that they have been pushing through for themselves—for them to finally stand apart from the Philippine Government. 

All the while, I watched with my mouth open—the violence kept my already listless mind awake, attentive and consistently in shock of the brutality involved in the incident. Two Filipinos were beheaded just because they couldn’t fit in the get away vehicle. Another hostage, an American, was also beheaded because he acquired a wound on his foot that slowed the group down. Gracia said that after they took Guillermo away, she found out that it was not the militant leaders who killed Guillermo but their sons. And that after they did it, those kids were goofing around, shoving each other and reenacting the killing. One of them acted out as the hostage and repeatedly said “Please, have mercy. I need to see my sons.” And they were just laughing. There they have a man pleading for his life and they were mocking him. Those kids were mocking him. At that point, I have no words to express how heartless those actions were.

Gracia along with her husband, were missionaries who dedicated their lives to distribute food, water, and medicine to far flung areas here in the Philippines. They have done more good than what other people could have ever willingly accomplished and yet, they were still abducted. Not only that, but when a ransom money amounting to $330,000 came, the Abu Sayyaf did not release them but instead, kept them hostage and asked for another ransom amounting to $1,000,000. I can’t believe how greed can cause the lines of good and evil to blur to the point that people’s hearts turn cold and ruthless.

They were abducted on May 27, 2001 and the last hostage, Gracia Burnham, was freed on June 7, 2002. For more than a year, they have been kept as bait for money. For more than a year, they have been used as bargaining chips for leverage against the government. For more than a year, they have suffered all because of greed. 

After watching it, my head started to drown in thoughts that always went back to one thing and that is—free will and humanity when combined becomes a double bladed sword. With free will comes the privilege to choose and with humanity comes tendencies. With privilege, good and bad become choices instead of morals. And with tendencies come uncontrollable thirst for material satiety that bears no end. 

Fascinating beings, aren’t they?

Isn’t it amusing how writers most often express themselves through quotes, poems and well constructed pieces? Isn’t it amazing how they show so much constraint when they talk and yet show unbridled freedom when they write? There’s a certain sense of serenity when it comes to being a writer which I honestly love.

Somehow, they can make simple statements sound so elaborate through a simple play of words.

Example 1

Most People: I’m hungry.

Writer: My mouth is in desperate drought for appetizing and scrumptious victuals to fill me and replenish my strength.

Example 2

Most People: I’m bored.

Writer: My mind is in constant yearning for a valid entertainment of my thoughts and senses. 

Writers see things differently. They perceive things on a different light. And most often than not, that light makes everything sound so complex. But really, it is not. Because the simple things you are so used to saying now was once sophisticated statements filled with unrestrained expression and sensible notion. But as time passed by, people found no need for such extravagant phraseology. Humanity started with only a few words to get by and despite of having built a huge vocabulary decided to revert to such limited amount of speech. But I guess that is where writers come in. They remind the rest of the oxygen-breathing beings in this planet that words are the most tangible things we could use to understand our own civilization.

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Somehow, writers can make cliches sound a lot more significant and sincere through tapping emotions.

Example 1

Most People: I miss you.

Writer: During the days you are not with me, your scent lingers and makes me long for the sweet smell of your hair, your unguarded eyes, your warm embrace and your ever passionate kiss.

Example 2

Most People: I love you.

Writer: My heart, my soul, my being hungers for your affection and relies on it like paper depends on ink for meaning. 

Writers are very sentimental. They cling to their feelings so much that it consumes them. They pull their strength and inspiration from their own emotions dwelling deep within their hearts and so when you read them, it hits you with the same surge of emotion and makes you feel every ounce of what they felt. If that is not so, then there’s only two possibilities: Either the writer lacked the skill to weave emotions into words or you have simply not understood the significance of what was written.

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Somehow, at the height of people’s anger and pain and the F word flying around in all corners of the room, writers can still make things sound so much better.

Example 1

Most People: You stole my fucking money and I want it back!

Writer: You have taken the sum of everything I worked hard for and I see it only fit that you return it to me.

Example 2

Most People: You fucking broke my heart when you cheated on me!

Writer: You have caused me irreversible pain and agony upon the time you chose to give up our love and engage in trivial affections with someone else.

Writers are such gentle, gentle creatures. They don’t do conflict but they write about it. They don’t settle for aggression but their words can reflect it. And sometimes, a writer’s way of handling things can be the best way to go while living in this world. Sometimes you just have to feel the pain, let it hurt you, let it sink in but instead of using your mouth to let it out, divert it to your mind—let the pain bond with your thoughts, let it wallow with your rationality, let it flounder with your sensibility then slowly let the pain escape as constructed  and well-thought out words through your fingertips.

Writers are remarkable but do not chase their minds. The moment you think you are so close to figuring out their thoughts, you’ll realize that you’re farther than ever. The moment you think they did not mind or notice, they start to write about what they saw and what they felt. The moment you thought you tricked them, they start to outsmart you. The moment you thought you’ve created the perfect lie, they start to hold truth by the hand.

Writers are cunning and are very difficult to love. But if ever you’ll decide to fall for one, I suggest for you to see through the wall of words they have created, read between the lines, take a hitch on their thought drift, grab their essence and only then will you break their silence. Only then will they let you stand close enough to love them. And once you’ve penetrated through the wall around their heart, know how to dwell in it. Because the moment their trust falls to pieces, they’ll put up another wall around them. And that wall may as well be a riddle that will take a lifetime for you to figure out.

Harsh Reality

Let me be the author of a story that’s been written at least a dozen times before but with a different emotional intensity each time.The characters are three incredibly normal people like you and me, leading their lives in the way they know best.

Miss Jane, a young, beautiful woman who embraces her artistic talents and clings strongly to her faith in God. She turns to our Savior Jesus Christ for everything. For the past days, here are the things she wrote:

“Sorry for being foolish and thinking it is still good, but it wasn’t, because I am not pleasing you. I was blinded by my emotions, it was all feelings  and thoughts.. Help me Father God to always fix my eyes, mind, heart and soul to you. Renew my heart and mind. Remind me that my relationship with You matter most! Thanks for the patience, God.”

“You can’t help it. Sometimes you just look at someone and realize that they are one of the best things that ever happened in your life.”

“But I’m learning to make God’s Word, not my feelings, the guide..”—excerpt from Joshua Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Loving it, currently on the Chapter 3 of it. I have to admit that I bought the book because I need help in my situation right now. It’s helping, really! Thank you Lord. Remind me always to focus my eyes on you.”

“Funny how emotions and infatuations can make you stupid.”

“2nd day of ignoring you and that feeling. This is good, this is better. It will, I know, God knows.”

“Focal Point. It’s amazing how you can forget your current struggles when you think and focus your thoughts on God. I’m happy that your love for me is infinite and faithful. Thank You Lord for easing the pain, I was thinking that it will be harder for me to move on, but you’ve made easier just by thinking and seeing You.”

Miss Jane has been in love with a young man who has the same interests as her—music and art. The man has shown affection to her. He’s the gentle but sturdy rock she can turn to on everything that life puts her through. They spend a lot of time together, they see each other almost everyday. He even gave her gifts when her birthday came which made her incredibly happy. But lately, Miss Jane has tried moving on (as stated with her entries above).

The man is in a relationship with another woman, Miss Marple. And Miss Marple has been in love with him for six years now and still counting. She knows about Miss Jane and having read her entries that depicted her desire to move on, she said to herself “This won’t last. This is the third time she confessed of wanting to move on but every single time, she falls in love with him again.” And Miss Marple is probably right because not too long ago, a friend of Miss Jane’s made a very crude drawing of her with the initial of the man she’s in love with on her watch. Miss Jane’s reaction has that slight annoyance of being teased but overall, she seemed happy about it.

Something that breaks Miss Marple’s heart is the fact that the man isn’t doing anything to have this situation settled. But that’s pretty much what she expected upon hearing the reasons and excuses being laid in front of her. She has known him for almost a decade now. She knows that he isn’t going to choose someone. He’s just going to keep on doing this until someone couldn’t take it anymore. He’ll stand his ground. He will believe his reasons so much that it becomes the truth for him. He will hear his voice and only his voice. He will not consider any thought other than the ones that he has in his head. He won’t change anything, moreover, he  won’t change himself because to him, he’s not doing anything wrong. To him, he was simply being unapologetically himself. To him, if someone gets hurt, it’s not his fault. It’s the other person’s fault for expecting, assuming and waiting.

After everything’s been said and done, there’s only one person who’s going to cry. And that person is the one who’s letting go. It could be Miss Jane if she succeeds in moving on, which is highly improbable. How can she say no when that man comes knocking at the door of her heart with his sweet gestures and humor that always made her smile. How can she say no when he’s always there for her. How can she say no when he’s always doing something to make her fall for him. How can she say no when he makes her feel like the woman she always wanted to be. How can she say no when her heart have always told her “yes”.

Upon calculating the odds of this situation, I’ve come to the conclusion that it might be Miss Marple who would have to do something. She’s the only one who’s mature enough to notice that his actions are inappropriate and already crossing the lines of friendship when all along he said he was just being himself. She was the only one who’s shrewd enough to deduce everything out of telltale signs that she has seen even though whenever she does this, he just tells her it’s all nonsense and it’s just a waste of time. She’s the only one who’s strong enough to understand his lies, his secrets, his reasons, his excuses, his tendencies, his decisions, his actions.

All along, it’s her heart that was ground to pieces with everything that happened. And if he doesn’t care, if he continues to believe himself and only himself, if he will cling to his conviction that nothing’s wrong and he wouldn’t change anything then there’s not much for her to do. Because even if she finds her voice, it’s not going to matter to someone who is deaf by choice.

If I were a Boy

I seriously, honestly think that if I were a boy, I’d make an awesome boyfriend. This isn’t me on a lesbian-ish kind of crisis. This is just me being practically honest. Like for real. If I were a guy, I’d make my girl happy in all ways possible.

My mom and I were shopping for Christmas decorations some time ago. And we went to this store and noticed that there were a ton of Christmas stuffed toys like snowmans or should I say snowmen? I’m not exactly sure what the plural of snowman is. But anyway, as I was saying, there are a lot of adorable stuff like Christmas elves, a lot of Santa Claus, nutcrackers and the like which were super cute and huggable. And the best thing about this stuffed toys is the fact that they are very affordable. Like they only cost around P150-P300. We were looking at them when out of nowhere my mom said,

“You know what, if I were a boy and I had a girlfriend. I’d give her a Christmas countdown for like 12 weeks. I’d buy one of this Christmas stuffed toys every week and give it to her and just leave a note saying “Hey, it’s only (number) weeks before Christmas and I can’t wait to spend it with you.” For example, I’d give her these adorable elves every week for eleven weeks and on Christmas day I’d give her this Santa Claus stuffed toy along with my actual Christmas present.”

Then I said,

“Well, if I was the girlfriend. Instead of stuffed toys, I’d prefer books. Like if his budget is P300 per week, he could get me an Agatha Christie book every week which costs P275. Or if his budget is only P200 per week, then he could get me Nancy Drew books instead since they only cost P180. And that would make me flip out every week until Christmas comes.”

After that conversation, my mom and I realized that if we were boys, our girlfriends are going to be the happiest girls on this planet. We could come up with all sorts of surprises and gift ideas that are sure to make any girl smile. Because it really doesn’t take much to make a girl happy. You just have to know what she likes and play along with that.

If you’re a guy and you’re loving the Christmas countdown idea but only have a P100 budget every week. Then just do a little observation and try to know the kind of stuff that your girlfriend’s really into. Like if she’s hooked with using lip balm. You could give her a different flavored lip balm every week (cost is around P75-P85). If she likes using sanitizer a lot. Then give her a different scented sanitizer every week (cost is around P50-P70). If she likes using cologne, then give her a different scented cologne every week (cost is about P45-P75). Then you could tie it up with some panty-dropper-sweet-to-the-bones kind of lines. For example: If you’re going with the lip balm idea, your line could go like this “For your luscious lips I always want to kiss”. For the sanitizer gift idea, your line could be “For your precious hands that I never want to let go.” And for the cologne idea, your line could be “For your sweet scent I miss every single day”. There are a lot of things that girls like and use in their everyday lives that doesn’t cost a lot and matching that up with sweet, sexy lines is a deadly combo. It’s definitely a fool-proof way to melt any girl’s heart.

Now if you’re still loving the Christmas countdown idea and is simply dying to make your girl smile but were looking into days rather than weeks before Christmas. Then of course a P100 a day could be a little heavy on the budget. So my suggestion is to use your assets. If you could write then go ahead and write a poem for her. The number of stanzas would depend on your own version of Christmas countdown, that could be 12 stanzas for 12 days before Christmas, 9 stanzas for 9 days before Christmas and the like. Each stanza could either have 2 or 4 lines each, it’s up to you. Write down each stanza on separate sheets of paper. And each day give her a stanza from your poem along with a red rose. Then when Christmas finally comes, she’ll be able to read your entire poem and know just how much she means to you. You see, girls like waiting for good things to come. They like surprises. They like little sweet things that are meant for them and only for them. And boys, it isn’t that hard to accomplish. Red roses only cost about P15-P35. If you feel that it’s still pricey then you can just go ahead and buy her favorite candies. Buy a P2 worth of mentos, maxx, pochi, whatever it is that she loves and give that along with each stanza of your poem. And I promise you, although it’s simple, that’ll leave an irreplaceable smile on her face every single day.

Now if you’re the musician type of guy then you could write a song for her. And give her pieces of either the lyrics or the notes of the music itself everyday along with your rose or candies. Then when Christmas comes, the song is complete and you could sing/play the song for her. That will sweep her off her feet, I can guarantee that. Now if you’re the artistic kind of guy then I would suggest for you to make a sketch of your girlfriend or you could paint a portrait of her, you know whichever art medium you’re most comfortable with. Then do a little research and look for photo stores that can turn images into a puzzle. Then you could give her pieces of the puzzle everyday along with your rose or candies. And when Christmas comes, she’ll get to put the pieces together and find out that it’s a portrait of her that you made. And trust me, that will drive her to tears of immense joy.

So you see, it doesn’t cost a lot to make a girl happy. A little innovation, a little effort and you’ll get her to smile like she never did before. I think the main problem with guys nowadays is that they don’t exert the same effort in keeping their girl as they did in getting her. They could come up with 100 ways to make a girl cry but they find it so hard to think of one way to make her smile. Their vision and perspective is out of focus. Because if you’re focused on your girlfriend or your wife then you wouldn’t even have the time to look at others. But then again, it’s the other way around. They are more focused on other girls because they think that no matter how much they flirt all day long, they would still be able to come home to their girl and sleep with her. Oh guys please, can’t you think of anything else other than your ego? Stop surprising her with your lies, your hidden getaways and your secret flirtatious motions with other girls. Instead, surprise her with letters, notes, flowers or any small gift that goes to show just how much you love her. It doesn’t make you any less of a man if you make your girl happy. Actually, it fulfills you as a man. If you think that all the romantic stuff is just cliche then news flash: FALLING IN LOVE ITSELF IS ONE GIANT BIG ASS CLICHE. It’s not cupid or destiny or fate that’s going to make it work. It’s you and your own effort that will make the relationship special and worthwhile for you and your girl. So why don’t you drop the excuses and the reasons and just love her in the way you know best. Let yourself indulge in the goodness of compromise and commitment instead of chasing after the thrill of trivial flirting and just ending up hurting the girl who’s always been there for you. Man up, my dear gentlemen. Man up and be the man you would want your daughter to end up with.

I think I’ve said enough to give any man a slap back to reality so to close this blog entry of mine, with the best Beyonce voice you have within you, sing it with me…

…I’d listen to her ’cause I know how it hurts…when you lose the one you wanted ’cause he’s taken you for granted…

Fall

You see her.
You fall for her.
You tried to get her attention.
You courted her.
You did everything to get her to care for you.
She fell for you.
You’re finally happy.
You started thinking you couldn’t possibly lose her.
You take her for granted.
You lie to her.
You hide things from her.
You break her trust.
You don’t mind hurting her ’cause you think you can always get her back.
You flirt with other girls.
You tell her to keep her nose out of your business.
You get angry when she finds out the truth.
You don’t apologize for hurting her.
She cries, you don’t mind.
She begs for you to change.
You’re too busy indulging yourself with your new found habit to listen.
She stopped flooding you with I love yous.
She stopped texting you at random times of the day just so you would know she misses you.
She stopped surprising you with little things that she knows would make you smile.
She stopped bugging you.
She stopped talking.
She stopped begging.
She stopped chasing.
You thought “finally”.
You became happy because she finally leaves you alone with the stuff you want to do.
She starts to care less and less.
She starts to lose hope that things are going to change.
She starts to think that you’re never going back to the man she fell in love with.
She puts up with you.
She supports you despite everything.
She constantly fights for you even though you tell her that she could just give up.
You push her away but she pulls herself back.
You tell her that is who you are and you’re not going to change for her.
You barely have time to listen.
You’re too busy with your own life.
You’re just there when you feel like it.
You shift your focus to other people far too easily.
You don’t mind because you think that she’ll always be there.
Then one day, she’s gone.
You’re going to tell yourself, “It’s okay. I’ll find someone better than her.”
After sometime, you start to miss her.
After sometime, you start to ask yourself “Did I really need someone better? Or did I need only her but my ego made me believe I needed someone else?”
After sometime, you start to answer your own questions.
After sometime, you start to blame yourself.
After sometime, your I love yous and apology for her will come in your sleep.
After sometime, you realize the things you should have done.
After sometime, you find yourself doing and giving everything for a second chance.
A second chance at loving her.
A second chance at being the reason behind her smile.
A second chance at being her only man.

Why do people wait for everything to fall to pieces before doing the right things?
It’s not that you didn’t know what you had until it was gone.
You know what you had, you just thought you’d never lose it that’s why you didn’t mind.

Remember.
The person who is constantly there.
The person who constantly fights for you.
The person who puts you on top of everything.
That’s the person worth living for.
And no matter how much you convince yourself that you’ll do just fine without her.
Time will come when you realize as to how much you couldn’t afford to lose her.

No Other Woman

I was watching TV when all of a sudden, the trailer of the movie “No Other Woman” aired. I think they’re launching the TV Premiere or something like that. I never watched this movie and what caught my attention is this line by Carmi Martin—“Ang mudo ay isang malaking Quiapo. Maraming snatcher. Maaagawan ka.”

All I can say is an all capital BITCH PLEASE! And you might want to read this quote.

It’s not rocket science. If you got a man because you stole him then count the days before another woman steals him from you as well. And the cycle goes on. Consider the following scenarios.

Scenario 1: A girl texts you. The conversation went on and on. She became a friend. But somewhere along the way, she confessed that she fell for you.

What a typical man would do: Smiles and indulges in the feeling of being wanted by another girl. Continues with the current pace of the relationship. Flirts all the way.

What a loyal man would do: Sets boundaries as early as possible. Lets her know that you’re committed and that you can’t possibly return the feelings she has for you.

Scenario 2: You’re left alone with a girl you know has a crush on you.

What a typical man would do: Takes advantage of the situation. Flirts with the girl. Talks to her about your life. Tells her you’re going to be there when she needs you. Puts an arm around her or holds her hand. Offers a jacket or sweater when she tells you she feels cold. Plays with her hair. Puts your head on her shoulder. All the things that would make her fall for you even more.

What a loyal man would do: Keeps his distance. Engages in a general conversation.

Scenario 3: A girl takes off her clothes while confessing her love for you.

What a typical man would do: Embraces the flow of testosterone.

What a loyal man would do: Picks up her clothes and hands it to her. Looks her in the eye and tells her that you have a girlfriend/wife that you love more than anything in the world. Take your leave.

Scenario 4: A girl gives you a striptease or possibly little hints here and there that she wants sex. She tells you stuff like “Everybody loves a one night stand.” or “It’s just a little fun. Your girlfriend/wife won’t even know.”

What a typical man would do: Gets turned on and gives her the intimacy she’s asking for.

What a loyal man would do: Stands, tells her that you’re not going to break your girlfriend’s/wife’s heart for something so trivial and leaves.

People, ask yourselves please. Where does cheating start? Does it start with a kiss or a one night stand? Or can it start with simple flirty text messages and other sweet gestures?

For all the women out there, know your worth my darlings. Why will you fight for someone who wants to be stolen? Why will you lay everything on the line for someone who would indulge in trivial things when your back is turned?

REAL MEN CAN’T BE STOLEN AND WILL NEVER LET THEMSELVES BE STOLEN. If he loves you, he’ll be able to turn down any temptation with ease. If he loves you, he’ll stick with you no matter what. If he loves you, he’ll never break your trust.

Homewreckers are not the flirty women who goes out of their way seducing men. Homewreckers are the husbands/boyfriends/better halves who promised to love you and always be there for you but somewhere along the way suddenly decided to break your heart and leave you for someone else.

Cheating is a choice, not a mistake.

Open Your Eyes

I was about to write another long essay about the silence that’s been consuming me for the past few days when I read my mentor’s blog. And one word hit me right between the eye, I’ve been INSENSITIVE.

I could barely get up since Monday because of flu. And when my medicines would finally take away some of the headache and body malaise, I’d worry about my own emotional pain. The emptiness that just drives me insane. But now that I’ve recovered a bit and could finally think rationally and make myself aware of what’s happening, I now see that there are things that are much bigger than me.

My mom was in Davao when typhoon Yolanda wreaked havoc in our archipelago. Upon hearing the typhoon’s trajectory, our entire family was worried as hell, but God heard our prayers and brought her safely back in our arms. I wish I could say the same for all the victims who have suffered greatly due to this typhoon’s menace but sadly, I could not.

Thousands of Filipinos died, more are missing and more are in need of food, potable water and clothes. Let us help them. Please. Let us help our fellow Filipinos rise from this catastrophe.

A lot of people have been posting pictures that give thanks to other countries who have sent their donations. They are helping, so what are you doing? Appreciating their help isn’t going to save our fellow Filipinos from starvation and sickness. Do what you can in your own way. Every action out of genuine concern matters.

I’ve also noticed that a lot of people have been posting status updates synonymous to this “I want to help but I don’t have the means to.” Oh please, if there’s a will, there’s a way. Stop making excuses for yourself. No help can ever be considered so little.

And to those that are already helping, please keep in mind that re-packaging stations are not tourist spots for you to take pictures of. If you’re there to help, then help. Why do you have to take pictures? So you could have evidence of how desperately you tried to buy your way into heaven? Help because you care, not because you want to show off.

Now, if you’re not willing to get out of your couch or your daily routine or your busy schedule then at least help us pray for our fellow Filipinos. Stop thinking about yourself for a minute. Stop acting as if the world revolves solely around you and you alone. You’re worried about traffic and deadlines and conflicts but how about those whose fears lie in not having anything to eat or drink, not having a home to return to and not seeing their loved ones again. Don’t close your heart to the facts that consistently knock at your door. Appeal to your humanity. Please.

Dear One

Human lives are fleeting.
And she spends hers in writing.

Most are about her lost cause in love.
Brought about by Cupid’s arrow from above.

Her eyes see no end.
When will destiny be her friend?

Maybe later.
Or perhaps…never.

Seeing such a name etched on that paper.
Broke her heart more than a hundred times over.

Refuting the pen craft came right after.
Just when her heart got a little bit colder.

It’s a little thing to fret about.
An issue that’s far from being tout.

But a hundred little things combined,
Can drive emotions to go numb and blind.

Men see her as an entity impelled by jealousy.
A judgement that was passed on far too easily.

Men don’t see the love that’s pinned beneath.
They don’t see the devotion that lies in heath.

My dear men, when will one be enough?
Do things have to be rough?

Miss Jane or Miss Marple?
Will you wait for things to be in rubble?

Gentlemen, are you that well versed in coquetry?
That you treat all women in trivial artistry.

There are limits, my dearest swains.
For love entails choosing only one of the lanes.

Commitment, if you believe such a word.
Goes beyond your ego, your shield and your sword.

When you love, make her your only one.
Stay with her even when all the tangles come undone.

Speak of the things that she should hear.
No matter how much it comes off as being too sheer.

For she will give you everything.
Love, warmth and acceptance—the other half of your being.

Never take her for granted, dear prince.
For she could be gone in a single wince.

Never keep her in hurt for too long.
For much patience will be needed to correct all the wrong.

Let her know before her heart gets cold.
Let her know before the pain becomes too bold.

The Geisha

She can always make herself look okay.
She can always hide the things that give the truth away.

With a little make-up on,
No one would see how much she’s actually torn.

A little concealer obscures the dark circles beneath her eyes
—it hides the traces of all the tears that fell for her heart’s demise.

A little eyeliner makes her eyes look bold
—it hides all the scars and weaknesses that are better left untold.

A little lipstick brings color onto her lips
—it hides the pale truth from where her sadness drips.

Now look at her.
Who would think that she’s as frozen as the chilly ice of winter?

No one.
Absolutely no one.

Half of you would only see the mirage she created.
Half of you would only see the beauty she painted.

All of you would be tricked by the facade she made.
All of you would believe the lie her lips forbade.

None of you would decide to look closer.
None of you would go any further.

And with that, the truth misses you.
A fact that she could change but she’s not going to.

Every single time, she gets mocked for all her pain.
Every single time, she gets laughed at for waiting in vain.

So she learned to travel with the least amount of emotion.
—and just bask in her worth, pride and distinction.

Beneath every woman is a geisha.
A beautiful vase to wrap all the karma.

Inside every woman is a geisha.
A timeless tale of all her hurt in a pleomorphic era.

Maglinis ay Di Biro

Magtatagalog muna ko, pwede naman siguro di ba? Break muna sa mga so called “creative writing” ko. Break muna sa “full english mode”. Break muna sa “usual blog self” ko. Di naman kasalanang sumulat ng di masyadong mabigat sa utak paminsan minsan.

Taon taon pagkatapos ng undas, iisa lang ang routine ng pamilya namin, yan ay maglinis. Pero ngayong taon, naiwan akong mag-isa sa gawaing yan at isa lang ang masasabi ko—“Shit na malupit! Ang hirap maglinis ng bahay!”

Nag-umpisa ko sa pagtatanggal ng agiw sa kisame. Sa liit kong to, talaga namang hirap na hirap ako. Sunod kong nilinis yung mga bintana. Spiderman ang drama ko. As in sumabit ako sa mga grills ng bintana para lang maabot ko yung matataas na parte. Nagkanda sugat sugat na yung kamay ko pero wala akong pakialam kesa naman mahulog ako. Imagine, pag nalaglag ako malamang sa matinding head injury yun o kaya malupit na spinal cord injury. Shit. Mamimiss ako ng pamilya ko pati na rin ng rockstar kong boyfriend. So no can do.

Sana di mag-himagsik ang mga insektong tinanggalan ko ng tahanan. Unang una na dyan ang mga baiki. Alam niyo ba yun? Mud dauber in english. Search niyo kung curious kayo. Pangalawa, mga gagamba. Yung mga daddy long legs at yung maliliit na mahilig tumalon. Pangatlo, mga lamok. Kung culex man kayo o aedes aegypti e di ko na napansin. Basta wag niyo lang akong sasalakayin sa pagtulog ko. Please. Kailangan ko lang talagang maglinis. No harsh feelings.

Pagkatapos ng mga bintana, mga lamesa at mga vase at mga kung ano anong fixtures naman. Pagpag dito, punas dun. Puwing dito, hatsing dun. Akala ko di na ko matatapos. Humihinto lang ako para uminom ng tubig tapos balik linis na uli. Sunod pader at ang pinaka-paborito ko, ang sahig. Bakit ko paborito? Kasi pag nasa sahig na ko ibig sabihin malapit na kong matapos. Kuha ng walis. Saksak ng vacuum. Banlaw ng mop.

Sabi ng mga kapitbahay naming naligaw bigla, “Akala namin señoritang maganda ka lang, marunong ka pala maglinis”. Oh come on! Mamon! Ang tunay na maganda, hindi lang puro beauty secrets at make up tips ang alam. Marunong din sa gawaing bahay. Pang-wifey nga kung baga.

Nang matapos ako maglinis, naglagay na ko ng kurtina, nagpalit ng seat cover, at kung ano ano pa. Tumagaktak na lahat sakin, pawis at iba pang body fluids (Teka, parang kadiri yun. Pawis na lang pala, wala ng iba). At syempre, hindi pa tapos. Naghugas pa ko ng plato. Nagsaing at nagluto ng hapunan. O di ba, san ka pa? Bonggang muchacha talaga ang peg!

Ops! Di pa ko tapos. Ginawa ko din yung pinakagusto kong ginagawa tuwing magpapasko. Ang paglalagay ng pamaskong puno o mas kilala bilang Christmas tree. Pero wala pang decorations dahil di pa sila bumibili. So puno lang siya talaga as in bare na puno. Pero okay pa rin.

Ngayon, sobrang hapdi ng mga kamay ko sa dami ng sugat at sobrang sakit ng katawan sa dami ng nilinis pero worth it! Once a year lang naman to. Tsaka binigyan ako ng pang-spa ni mommy dahil sa effort ko. O di ba, good deeds are always rewarded.

Linis linis din pag may time!