One Hit Combo

Akala mo ba tungkol sa bagong taon ang blog ko ngayong araw? Tipong kung ano ano ang mga pinagdaanan ko sa taong ito at kung ano ano ang mga babaguhin ko sa taong parating? Pasensya na pero bibiguin muna kita. Ang blog ko ngayon ay alay sa pinakamagagaling na musikero sa balat ng Pilipinas. Sinilang akong kinakanta ng madla ang kanilang bawat katha at lumaki akong kabisado ang himig at titik ng kanilang mga awit.

Sino sino sila?

Unahin na natin si Sir Francis Magalona na kilala ng nakararami bilang Kiko. Sino bang hindi nakakakilala sa kanya? Ang taong may tato ng araw at tatlong bitwin sa kanyang likod at ang taong nagsimula ng rap sa Pilipinas. Malalim ang pinaghuhugutan ng kanyang mga obra at kadalasang nasa linya ng pagkamakabayan. Sinisigurado niyang bitbit niya ang ating lahi sa kanyang mga balikat sa tuwing siya ay aawit. Isasabay ko na rin ang makabagong rapper ng Pinas na si Gloc 9. Sinasabi ng iba na siya raw ang pumalit kay Kiko sa pagmumulat ng mata ng mga Pilipino sa mga bagay na una, dapat nating ipagmalaki at pangalawa, dapat nating baguhin. Hindi sila nagkamali. Tunay ngang ang bawat letra ng kanyang mga likha ay di lamang makakapagmulat ng mata kundi makakapagbukas din ng isip at puso ng bawat taong alam ang Wikang Filipino.

Sino pa?

Siyempre mawawala ba naman ang Beatles ng Pilipinas? Ang imortal na bandang Eraserheads na binubuo nina Ely Buendia, Raimund Marasigan, Marcus Adoro at Buddy Zabala, na kahit ngayong magkakahiwalay na ay kilala pa rin ng lahat. At ang kanilang mga awit? Di lang basta kabisado ng mga Pilipino, ito’y dumadaloy sa ugat ng bawat taong isinilang sa arkipelagong ito, lalo na ang mga batang lumaki noong dekada nobenta tulad ko. Sila’y mga kalalakihan na nagtapos sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas na matindi ang pagmamahal sa musika at may angking istilo sa paglikha nito. Ang mga titik ng kanilang mga awitin ay simple kung tutuusin pero may laman at may lalim. At marahil ay yun ang dahilan kung bakit naging malawakan ang kanilang impluwensiya sa ating magkakababayan.

Ang huli?

Ang parokya ng bayan, ang Parokya ni Edgar. Wag niyo sabihin saking hindi niyo pa narinig ang pangalang Chito Miranda, Buwi Meneses, Dar Semaña, Gab Chee Kee, Dindin Moreno at Vinci Montaner. Sila ang anim na gwapito na talaga namang dinig hanggang langit ang musika pag rumak en rol. Ang mga kanta nila’y di lang basta letrang pinag-sama sama sa paraang magandang bigkasin kundi ito’y mga kwento ng pangkaraniwang tao na sadyang pupukawin ang iyong pansin. Sila ang grupo na talagang kilala sa pagiging makulit at maloko pero pag oras na ng rakrakan, aba wag ka ng pumalag dahil pamatay ang kanilang talento. Ninakaw nila ang atensyon ng mga Pilipino gamit ang nakakabilib na kombinasyon ng angking tono at mga linyang ramdam hanggang buto.

Kaya naman sa mga taga-hanga nilang katulad ko, sabay sabay tayong sumaludo sa ating mga idolo!

At kung hinangaan niyo ang mga litratong ginamit ko. Punta kayo dito, http://vp021.deviantart.com/ Siya ang illustrator ng mga ito.

Sasamantalahin ko na rin ang pagkakataon para pasalamatan ang nobyo kong nagmulat ng mata ko sa mundo ng OPM at nagtanim ng binhi ng eheads, parokya, ni kiko at ni gloc sa puso’t isipan ko. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit iniidolo ko sila ngayon. Salamat ng marami!

Yun lamang at manigong bagong taon sa lahat!

L.I.F.E.

Here I am, staring at the screen of my laptop that’s filled with specks of dust. I was about to close my eyes for a goodnight’s sleep when I got hit in the head by a brick so now I’m wide awake. I forced myself to think of something to write about. I have a bunch of things in my mind I could draw inspiration from but my judgement seems to turn them down one by one and that’s of no surprise. Are you starting to get real puzzled? I am too. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out a way to put my thoughts in order so you could grasp the bits and pieces of sense that lay around my brain’s clustered floor. 

I used to live by the years I expect to have now I live by the second of each passing minute. Quite a change huh? It’s just that, after everything life has shown me, I realized that no matter what you do, time will pass. So I decided to stop taking time for granted. I do everything as if it’s gonna be my last. That way, there’s less regrets.

I used to indulge in every emotion that bursts inside of me. But now, I filter the emotions that people see in me and I choose the words people hear from me. I learned how to smile and refrain from talking no matter what I feel inside. Whatever it is that I’m feeling, whether it be pain, anger or anything else, I deal with it on my own. That way, there’s less mistakes.

I used to be different and now I still am. And I’ll continue to be different until my life ceases to exist here on earth. People are meant to change especially as they hit different levels of maturity so don’t be surprised when someone isn’t who he/she used to be. It’s part of nature and that way, there’s more to live for.

It may have been short but I’m done and now I plan to sleep. Even though my head is still aching from the brick that hit me, I’m not gonna let it add more bags under my eyes nor let it add more luggage in my heart. I’ll simply let it be ’cause it’s life. No matter what it throws at me, whether it be pillows or bricks, I should embrace it. 

Ngayong Pasko

Pasko na naman. Masaya ka ba? Sana oo. Sana lahat ng tao masaya. Pero alam kong di rin naman maiiwasan na sa panahong ito natin hanap-hanapin ang mga taong minsang nagpasaya at nagbigay ilaw sa ating pasko. Maaaring sila’y kaibigan, minamahal o mahal sa buhay na nilisan na ang mundong ito.

Ako namimiss ko ang tito ko. Pano naman kasi sobrang harot nun. Lahat ng tao inaasar niya, mapakamag-anak man yan o kapitbahay, pero walang napipikon dahil alam naman ng lahat na talagang makulit siya. Tuwing pasko lagi siyang maingay, asar dito, tawa dun. Tapos ang lakas lakas niya kumain, walang putahe ang hindi niya titikman, pati nga tira sa plato ko di niya pinapalampas. Pag busog na, mang-aasar na naman tapos magtatawanan na lang kaming lahat. Pag yun bumanat na sa videoke, magugulat ka sa ganda ng boses. Tapos pag upbeat yung kanta, with matching choreography pa ang performance niya. Nagugulat na lang ako na kahit may kalakihan ang tyan niya e ang gaan ng katawan niya sa pagsasayaw. Talagang masasabi kong siya ang nagbibigay saya sa bawat paskong dumadaan. Kaya naman simula nung nawala siya, tumahimik na ang pasko dito samin. May mangilan-ngilang tawanan pero kadalasan puro lang kwentuhan.

Masayahing tao ang tito ko. Kahit tadtad na ng problema, di pa rin siya nakakalimot tumawa. Sa kanya ko natutunan na kahit magpatong patong man ang pagsubok sa buhay, may mga bagay ka pa din na dapat ipagpasalamat. Maraming pinagsisisihan ang tito ko sa buhay niya, mga pagkakamaling sana’y naitama, mga oportunidad na sana nagamit ng maayos at mga pagkakataong sana’y di nasayang. Kahit di niya sabihin, ramdam ko yun. Pero kahit na ganun, masaya pa rin siya sa nakamit niya sa buhay. Tinitingnan niya ang mga bagay na meron siya, imbis na hanapin ang mga bagay na wala. Kahit hindi perpekto ang buhay, lagi siyang nakakahanap ng dahilan para maging masaya at yun ang talagang hinahangaan ko sa kanya. Naalala ko tuloy nung mga panahong may sakit siya, kahit nahihirapan siya, pag-uwi ko sa bahay, inaasar pa rin niya ko at tumatawa pa rin siya ng malakas. Matatag si tito, alam kong hanggang huli lumaban siya. Alam kong hanggang sa dulo hindi siya bumitaw. Pero talaga sigurong panahon na para lisanin niya kami.

Ngayong pasko, ito lang ang masasabi ko, “Tito, miss ka na namin. Baon namin ang bawat tawa at ngiti na minsan mong ipininta sa aming mga labi. Maligayang pasko sayo at sa mga anghel na ngayo’y kapiling mo.”

Isang Mensahe

 

Sa lahat ng established photographers na nagbitaw ng mga katagang “Nagka-SLR lang, photographer na”. Para sa inyo to.

Baguhan akong photographer at maraming beses ko ng narinig to. Hindi naman ang pagkakaron ng SLR ang batayan para matawag ang isang tao na photographer, alam ng lahat yan. Pero ang pagkakaron ng sariling SLR ang nagbubukas ng pinto para makapasok ang isang tao sa mundo ng photography, alam din ng lahat yan. Sa pagkakaron ng SLR nagsisimula ang lahat. Dito nag-uumpisang maging interesado ang isang tao sa mga bagay na kaya niyang ipakita sa pamamagitan ng litrato, dito nakakahanap ng paraan ang iba para maipaabot ang kanilang saloobin, opinyon, sentimento gamit lamang ang mausisang mata sa pagkuha ng anggulo. Sa pagkakaron ng SLR mo malalaman kung hobbyist ka ba o photographer talaga.

Maraming kabataan ang nahihilig dito. Hindi dahil sa lahat sila interesado maging photographer kundi dahil ito ang uso. Pero may mga tao din naman na sadyang nangarap magka-SLR para magkaron ng magandang simula sa photography, isa na ko dun. Wala akong ibang hininging grad gift kundi SLR dahil simula pa lang nung una, mahilig na ko kumuha ng litrato, mapa-out of town man yan o simpleng kalokohan lang ng barkada. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “Pag nagka-SLR ako, seseryosohin ko na to”. Hindi ako professional pero masaya ko sa kung ano mang narating ko bilang photographer sa ngayon. Payak mang simula, alam ko namang pinagsikapan ko ang kakayahang meron ako. Kaya naman di ko maiwasang masaktan sa mga nagsasabi saking “Nagka-SLR lang, photographer na agad”. Hindi nila alam ang haba ng panahon na hinintay ko para sa pagkakataong to, hindi nila alam kung ilang pinagpuyatang gabi ang inilaan ko para matutunan ang mga principles at rules ng photography at hindi nila alam kung ilang buwan ang inubos ko sa pagpapractice para lang masanay sa paggamit ng SLR. Kaya naman sa lahat ng established photographers na naging mapanghusga, pasensya na, pero maling mali ang pinairal niyong prinsipyo. Para naman sa lahat ng baguhang photographers na nahusgahan agad, mga brad, wag niyo silang pakinggan, magsumikap lang kayo.

Wag sanang gawing “exclusive” ng mga established photographers ang mundo ng photography. Dahil ito ay para sa lahat. Wag sanang kayo ang maging dahilan para ang bagong binhi ng mga photographers ay mawalan ng kompyansa sa kanilang mga sarili at tuluyan ng bitawan ang photography. Kung meron mang mga baguhan na sadyang saksaksan ng yabang, wag niyo na lang pansinin. Mas makakabuting wag na lang kayong magsalita. Hayaan niyong ang pangit nilang ugali ang maging dahilan ng pagbagsak nila. Tandaan niyo “It’s the empty can that makes the most noise”. Kaya naman kung mayaman na kayo sa kaalaman at karanasan, mas makakabuting wag niyo ng patulan ang angas ng ibang baguhan. Maging inspirasyon na lamang kayo sa aming karamihan na nangangarap makarating sa inyong kinalalagyan.

Random Strokes of Inspiration

Thrown in Deep Water

“You’ll never know how strong you are until such point when being strong becomes your only option.”

A lot of people were surprised of the drastic changes they saw in me over the past week. I was known to be a typical “probinsiyana”. You know, uncomfortable in riding buses or trains, awkward when put in a sea of people rushing, could easily get lost and looks unfortunately fragile. In short, someone who will be consumed alive by the streets of Manila. But that trait seems far from me now. Last week I traveled alone in Manila, equipped with a handful of agendas to finish and unfamiliar places to get to. And guess what, I survived. My relatives and friends all said the same thing “Di ka na talaga probinisyana, di ako makapaniwalang kinaya mo yun mag-isa”. And the only question on their minds is “How did you do it?”. My answer is simple “I have no choice. I have to do it on my own or else I won’t get things done on time. It’s like being thrown in deep water. It’s either you swim or you drown. I chose to swim.”

 

Conviction of the Heart

“When life spins out of control, just let your lips roll.”

Have you watched the movie 3 Idiots? If not, then you’re missing a lot. It’s about 3 boys who went off to the Imperial College of Engineering in India, the torture palace of those aspiring to be engineers. Each of them weaved an intricate story that is sure to inspire anyone who’s going to watch it. The reason why I’m sharing this is because of what the lead character always says “Follow excellence and success will chase you pants down”. And for him excellence means your passion. Make your passion your profession and work will become play. It’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Most people are afraid to pursue what they want. They’re afraid to gamble whatever it is they’ve acclaimed to own to chase after whatever it is their heart desires. They’re afraid of the great possibility that their passion won’t always be enough. They lose sight of what really makes them happy for a variety of reasons they regret once they’re on their death bed. My suggestion? Drop the fear. You’ll go farther without it in your heart.

 

A Dose of Free Will

“Free will is a gift you’ll never have unless you fight for it.”

Every Child is Special, another movie that’s worth watching. It’s about a young boy who everyone thought was the worst student that ever existed on this planet because he can’t seem to learn how to read and write. Only in the end will they find out how amazing he really is. Ever since I watched this, my perspectives took on a whole other course. Just because you think differently from everyone else does not make you weird. And just because you do things differently from others does not make you an idiot. We live by free will. Meaning, no one can tell you what to do. You live your life in the way you want. You take the risks you think are worth it. You make the mistakes you think you should commit. That’s just the way things are. It will surprise you how one’s life can run unbridled when limits are not placed, when judgements are not laid and when directions are not given.

Thoughts in Rain

I closed my eyes

Felt the cold water drip down

Gave out a thousand sighs

Saw those lips frown

 

Ran my fingers through my hair

Thought if I was wrong

Fell into shallow despair

But it didn’t last long

 

The drops felt light

Life felt heavy

Hid in plain sight

Found in concealed empathy

 

The sweet scent of water

Dragged illusive hopes

Made my soul a bit weaker

Despite the tight ropes

 

Stared blankly into space

Got lost in thought

Time joined in the race

I cowardly fought

 

Dripping wet, I stood

Waiting for the wind to blow

Did everything I could

So regrets won’t flow

 

The drops fell slowly

They looked like tears

I caught them freely

Shook away my fears

 

At last, I walked

Felt something dry

Then faith talked

Everything’s worth a try

 

I thought of this while I was in the shower. Haven’t been feeling well since last night and this is the only thing my mind has permitted me to compose. I promise to write more once my colds have subsided and I can think clearly again. ☮

Sapat na ang Minsan

Nakaupo ako sa kama. Nag-iipon ng ideya para sa pinaplano kong practice shoot. Maya maya, isang tunog ang bumasag sa agos ng diwa ko. Phone ko pala, may nagtext. Hindi ko muna pinansin. Matapos ang ilang minuto, tumunog uli. Dito ko na siya inabot. Ang iniisip ko baka boyfriend ko yung nagtext, di kasi maganda pakiramdam niya ngayong araw. Laking gulat ko ng bumungad ang pangalang Convergys sa screen ng phone ko. Binuksan ko ang dalawang mensahe. Yung isa galing sa Convergys Makati at yung isa naman sa Convergys San Lazaro. Parehas nila kong inaanyayahang mag-reapply bukas between 9am-2pm. Ang una kong nasabi “So try niyo naman akong hatiin sa dalawa”.

Pero ang totoo niyan, napaisip ako. Makikipagsapalaran na naman ba ko sa mundo ng Call Center Agents? Napailing ako. Napa-buntong hininga. At nasabi sa sariling “I don’t think so”. Tingin ko sapat ng minsan kong ibinaba ang sarili ko para sa oportunidad na kumita ng malaki at sa pangarap kong makaipon bago mag-volunteer sa ospital. Sapat ng minsan kong isinugal ang credentials ko sa mga interviewer na hindi marunong magbukas ng resume. Sapat ng minsan kong tinanggap ang mabibigat nilang paghatol na wala namang basehan. Sapat na ang minsan.

Hindi ako ma-pride na tao. Nadala na lang talaga ko. Nakakapagod kumatok sa pinto ng isang mundong ayaw ka naman pagbuksan. Kaya naman mananatili na lang ako sa propesyong apat na taon kong pinag-aralan. Maliit man ang sweldo at mahaba man ang proseso, sigurado namang may mararating ako. At syempre hindi pa rin mawawala ang kagustuhan kong maging manunulat. Kahit contributor lang, masaya na ko. Sa totoo niyan, kung magkakasabay ang oportunidad kong maging nurse at writer, kukunin ko parehas. Wala namang nagsabing di ko sila pwedeng gawin ng sabay. Pero hangga’t hindi pa dumarating ang pagkakataong yun, gagawin ko muna kung anong kaya ko sa ngayon. Unti unti man ang pag-usad. Matutupad ko rin ang mga pangarap ko.

Shots

I believe it’s time for some late night writing. I was doing a little photography session this afternoon and I’m here to share some of the results. I’m no professional. The only reason why I’ve put “Elle | Photography” on my photos is because it looks cool. I was actually thinking if it should be my initials followed by the word “Photography” but it didn’t feel right. Then I considered using “BeauEsprit” but remembered I was using it as my pen name already. After that, I thought of using only segments of my name and that’s how I came up with “Elle”. Anyway, let’s head back to what I’m gonna write.

 

Passion through Lens

I think my inspiration for this photo is pretty much laid out. I love photography. Always have, always will. But it’s only after I graduated from College that I took it seriously. Actually having my own DSLR kind of pushed me to make the most of it. It’s like I didn’t want to let all the good features of my camera go to waste just because I didn’t know how to use it properly. So I immersed myself completely into the world of photography. At first, I thought it would be easy. But I got knocked in the head with the truth that there’s more to photography than just good shots. There’s a lot of principles that you have to know by heart before you can call yourself a photographer, not to mention that you also have to come up with your own style and find your forte. I’m still a long way from becoming a professional photographer and the road to it isn’t exactly paved with gold but hey, it’s the journey that counts the most, not the destination.

“Photos are memories captured on the right time at the right place. Keep them.”

Jar of Hearts

Everybody’s probably familiar with Christina Perri’s song of the same title. It was actually my inspiration for the concept of the photo. I listened to it this morning, and hearing the lyrics, I can’t help but think of how life stops in the same time that love does. When you get your heart broken, people say “life goes on”. They’re right. Physically, you still wake up everyday and go by whatever things you have to do. But without love, will anything actually make sense? I don’t think so. Love is what makes everything worthwhile. No one ever lives just for himself/herself alone no matter how much they deny it. All of us choose to survive in this realm because of the people in it that keeps us going. They serve as our gravity on this planet. They keep our feet on the ground, they keep our heads together and they keep our spirits alive.

“Hearts are irreplaceable works of art. Take care of them.”

Infinite Quest for Words

 As a writer, my life is forever tied with words. For it is through them that I can let people know what I think and how I feel. It is through them that I reach out. People have found a lot of ways to have their voices heard. Some found it in art, others found it in music. Mine is in literature. A writer always has to win two battles. First is to quench his/her constant thirst for inspiration and second is to make a wise choice from all the words that exist in this world. I stumbled upon this statement while reading an article a few months ago, “Writers know how to make the worst statements sound good”. Winning both battles that I’ve mentioned above will make this undeniably true. All it takes is a lot of patience.

“Literary pieces are creative reflections of life and everything in it. Read them.”

Crack my Code

Dear readers, I apologize for being such a mystery geek. It’s just that my fascination with it is really starting to kick in and is slowly becoming one of my passions in life. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to be like Sherlock Holmes but deduction-wise, I’m still nowhere near his capabilities. Going back, I’m here to share to you three of the codes I love.

The first one goes like this. You pick up the third word in each statement and put them together afterwards. I learned this one from Carolyn Keene, the author of Nancy Drew. She used it on one of her series. For you to get a better idea of it, here’s three of Carolyn Keene’s own examples.

Example 1: “I always suspect bargains. Sometimes, I’m standing near a sales counter. I inspect nearby merchandise also.”

Message: Suspect standing nearby

Example 2: “Please Santa, look in my empty sock. Fill it up real high. A hole’s in the toe but never mind. The Christmas tree won’t sigh.”

Message: Look up in tree

Example 3: “What number are we? It’s like being in a maze. We’d better watch carefully for our sign.”

Message: Are being watch

So now, here’s my own code for you. Try to crack it. 

“Please Susie, keep it hidden. Jewelry attract the people’s attention. Mother had faith you wouldn’t lose it.”

 

The second one is somewhat the same but is often used to convey shorter messages oftentimes a name of a person or place.You give a word composed of nine letters or less followed by a number. The number corresponds to the significant letter in the word. I learned this one from the book “Codes and Secret Writing”. Here are the examples.

Example 1: Adam3, Pillow1, Ripe3, Bell4, Sea2

Message: Apple

Example 2: Light4, Bob2, Pot3, Enter1, Final5

Message: Hotel

Or you can do it this way.

Example 3: Brooklyn’s bar in sight, don’t leave Nancy. 1315325

Message: Britney

And here’s my own. Try to decode it.

“Broken hearts let time erase volatile emotions. 1212511”

 

Lastly, I’d like to tell you about Anagrams. This is a word or phrase formed by re-ordering/re-organizing the letters of another word or phrase. It’s like playing jumbled letters but a lot harder. From all the codes I learned, this one is the toughest to crack. Because there could be a million possibilities and you solely rely on your instincts and deductive skills. My first two examples are from the movie Da Vinci Code.

Example 1: O Draconian Devil

Message: Leonardo Da Vinci

Example 2: So dark the con of man

Message: Madonna of the Rocks

My last example is from the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Example 3: Tom Marvolo Riddle

Message: I am Lord Voldemort

And here’s my very own code for you guys. I’ll salute the one who would be able to figure this out.

“I’m Brice Yacht Grettl”

=)

Magulo? Oo.

Magulo ang utak ko nitong mga nagdaang araw, kaya rin hindi ako masyadong nakapagsulat. Marami akong naiisip na paksa pero hindi ako makapili kung alin sa kanila ang dapat kong gawan ng akda. At dahil magulo ang isip ko, medyo guguluhin ko rin kayo.

I’m gonna do things differently with this one. I know my readers can keep up. By now, I’m pretty sure they have a good idea of how crazy I am when it comes to words and ideas, so here goes nothing.

Kakabasa ko lang ng blogpost ng iniidolo kong si Sir Steno. Ang daming nagtatanong kung naging propesor ko daw ba siya, ang sagot ko “Sana nga, sana nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na maging estudyante niya kaso hindi. Pero masaya na kong nakilala ko siya kahit sa totoo niyan e hindi ko pa siya nakikita ng personal.” Ayun, mabalik na tayo sa sinulat niya. Tumatak sa isip ko ang salitang Halo-Halo kasabay ang pag-ilaw ng bumbilya sa taas ng ulo ko. Yun na nga mismo ang inspirasyong hinihintay ko. Salamat Sir Steno!

To start with, I’m gonna talk about…. Wait, talk about? That isn’t right. Pause. Stop. Replay. To start with, I’m gonna write about my feeling of ambivalence these past few days. I feel like I’m in a roller coaster ride. One moment I’m smiling, the next I’m frowning. Life can be such a bum. As the sun rises, it makes you feel hopeful. As the sun sets, it makes you feel worthless. But I’ve got no one to blame but myself. I brought this on me. I’m very much disappointed at myself for not landing a job in any of the Call Centers I applied for due to various reasons that are beyond my control. And then I realized, “What the hell?! I got 2 letters after my name, RN. I got an 80.20 average from my board exam. I graduated Cum Laude with a GWA of 1.51. Why am I applying at call centers?! I was never meant to answer calls, I was meant to save lives. And I know that now.” So I’m doing things right this time around.

“Minsan kailangan mo munang maligaw bago mo matunton ang tamang daan”, tama ang pangungusap na yan at ako na mismo ang patunay. Gayunpaman, gusto ko ring makahanap ng trabaho na may kinalaman sa pagsusulat. Sumubok na ko, makailang beses na rin. Pero sa tuwing bumubungad ang kurso kong “Bachelor of Science in Nursing” e “We regret to inform you…blah blah blah” na agad ang kasunod. Di ko naman sila masisi. Sino bang pipiliin mo? Yung isang tao na apat na taong pinag-aralan ang pagsusulat o yung isang tao na talento lang ang puhunan sa pagsulat? Syempre ang pipiliin ng lahat yung una. Sana lang, sana lang talaga, sana may isang tao na magbigay sakin ng pagkakataon na patunayan sa lahat na kaya kong magsulat.

I was going through some of my old stuff from College. Tons and tons of hand outs containing  everything. And when I say everything I mean from the basic body systems to the various drug interactions to the complicated pathophysiology of diseases to the fine line between medical and nursing interventions. They still drive me crazy up until now. Then I saw my quizzes, exams, evaluation tools and laboratory exercises. And thought to myself “Hey, I was a pretty good student.” Then I stumbled upon my Anatomy notebook and saw my drawing of a cell. My face sank to the floor, “Oh crap, it looks like a bird’s nest that just got raided by a furious cat”. I was never a good artist. The next thing I saw was my chemistry notes. I really loved that subject. My professor, however, always kept a close eye on me during laboratory exercises. She once addressed me as the “bomb threat”. It’s because I love to play around with sulfur. And sulfur, when combined with the right things, causes explosions. I never burned anything though, so I guess that’s good.

Dumako naman tayo sa isang bagay na alam kong mahina ako at yun ay ang pagsulat ng tula sa Filipino. Sa isang hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan, hirap talaga akong magbigay lalim kapag Filipino na ang gamit kong wika. Na sa katunayan dapat hindi nangyayari dahil lumaki ako sa Pilipinas. Pero eto na’t susubukan ko.

Ang buhay ko ’tila baga isang laro

Nagkasunod sunod dati ang pagkapanalo

Ngayon, patong patong ang pagkatalo

 

Naiwan akong nakatayo sa gitna ng kawalan

Naiwang nag-iisa sa piling ng karamihan

Nagtataka, nag-iisip, kung bakit nagsusumigaw ang katahimikan

 

Ang mga problemang pinagdaanan ko mag-isa

Ang mga bagay na tinanggap ko ng pikit-mata

Ang mga salitang binitiwan ko na may bahid ng dalita

 

Lahat ng yan hahayaan ko na sa aking nakalipas

Di na yan magiging parte pa ng aking bukas

At sa aking kasalukuyan, lahat yan ay magwawakas

 

Wala ka ng makikitang bakas sa mga ngiti ko

Nakakubli na ang mga luhang dating dumaloy sa mga pisngi ko

Nakatago na ang mga pagdududang dating sumakop sa pagkatao ko

 

Ngayon ko susubukang baguhin ang lahat

Ngayon ko patutunayan ang kakayanang inakala nilang may lamat

Ngayon ko uumpisahang gawin ang nararapat

 

By now, you’re probably thinking “I didn’t get any of it at all” or maybe “So what’s the point?” Language was not uniform, topics were randomly chosen, there’s no thought organization and there’s no focus. But hey, the purpose of this blog post is to clear my head so I guess it’s only natural for everything to look messed up. To those who managed to read this all through out, even though I did not make any sense at all, thanks for getting on the roller coaster with me.