SHIT & FUCK

Some might find the two words above profane, offensive or utterly normal. But I promise you that if you give those words a chance, it might actually save your ass. I thought of this while I was on the bus home and yes, it does weird me out as to how I could come up with things like this even after having every inch of my brain stretched out because of work. This learning module is divided into two parts, internalize both. 

With that, let’s get this started.

When you find yourself amid fear and uncertainty, when you find yourself on the verge of confusion and insanity, when  you find yourself lost and weary…read on. 

First Lesson: SHIT

I say shit all the time but the shit I’m pertaining to is not animal poop nor any kind of crap you might be thinking about right now. The shit I’m talking about is Simply Heed Ingenious Thoughts. Why ingenious? Because for me, that word means being clever at your purest. Purest in the sense that it’s honest. To me, ingenious thoughts are the first and sudden strokes of brilliant thinking when confronted by a situation. These thoughts never leave the premises of someone’s mind. Why? Because these are thoughts that are situated halfway between the line of you being smart and you being stupid. And because you can’t decide as to which part of that line you’ll fall under, you just keep it to yourself. As for honesty, I could say that it’s as honest as the popular Freudian slips or what’s commonly called as slips of the tongue wherein truth does not wear anything. Meaning, it’s naked. The only difference is that Freudian slips are said and ingenious concepts are thought. So why should you pursue this kind of thoughts? Because first, these thoughts are based on instinct not emotion. Meaning whatever decision that comes out based on it would most likely be rational. And second, as I mentioned, it’s honest. And you could never go wrong in making decisions that are based on honesty.

Second Lesson: FUCK

Again, this is not the fuck word that’s used to insult other people nor the one used to imply sexual intercourse. This fuck means Fill Up Clear Knapsacks. This is almost synonymous to “Before you could learn, empty your cup first”. I have a certain bond with this statement because it’s true. And it happened to me. I’m a newbie at my job and I’m currently in training. It just so happened that the line of work where I’m in right now is downright confusing. Place me inside a puzzle and I’d find a way to bring the pieces together. Place me inside a labyrinth and I’d find a way to get out. Place me in the middle of a sea of information I have to learn in such a limited span of time and I’ll try to swim but let me tell you that I’ll still drown. Well at least, I used to drown. Why? Because before, 50% of my brain is occupied with the information I have to know and 50% is occupied with my complaints of it being too hard. The result? There’s no retention of information and I find myself not only stressed but severely struggling each passing day. So I decided to empty my cup. I got rid of all the complaining, ranting and all that jazz. Instead, I try to calm myself down and I convince myself that whatever it is that’s going to challenge me for this day, I could do it without a doubt. And ever since that day, everything felt lighter and smoother. So remember, empty your knapsack first. Get rid of all the negative things. After that, fill it up with the things that you need and those that would help you.  ‘Cause guys, no matter how much you try to add positive things in your mind, it’ll just spill over because there’ll never be a way to fill up an already full knapsack. 

So whenever caught in a tight situation, remember two words, SHIT and FUCK. Again, it might save your ass. 

And this is where this learning module ends. Hope it helps.

F.L.I.

Now that I found the time to actually share something worth reading, I’ll grab it full force. Let’s do this.

What I’m about to write today (I was about to say tonight, ’cause my day and night is reversed because of work) is about something that people from the call center industry is very much familiar with. It’s the term we call First Language Influence or FLI for short.

What is it exactly? These are certain things that you have acquired from your native tongue (the first language you learned) that you find hard to leave behind as you try to learn a new language. For example, in the Philippines, our native tongue is Filipino and as we slowly learn to speak in English, we have these tendencies to incorporate the way we talk in Filipino in the way we talk in English, which commonly happens but let us be advised that it’s wrong. 

Examples of FLI are certain instances when we tend to pronounce English words the way we hear it. For example, the phrase “can’t breathe” turns to “kent bret”. Another is “carry me through” which turns to “keri mi tru”. Also, us Filipinos, we often find it hard to differentiate the letters “p” and “f”. The result? We use them interchangeably. Words with “f” such as friends, fan, fly, food and face turn to “prends”, “pan”, “play”, “pud” and “peys”. Meanwhile words with “p” such as people, pole, pyramid, post and proper turn to “fifol”, “fowl”, “firamid”, “fowst” and “frafer”. Another example is the way  we tend to ignore the letter “v” and just use “b” for everything. Example, the words volume, victory, viva, love, and live turn to “bolyum”, “biktori”, “biba”, “lab” and “lib”. The words with hard “th” is simply the letter “d” for us. Example: there, father, though, with, and than turn to “der”, “fader”, “dow”, “wid” and “dan”. Meanwhile, what’s supposedly are soft “th” sounds are just “t” sounds to us. Examples are thin, through, thing, three, and throw that become “tin”, “tru”, “ting”, “tri” and “trow”. And because we tend to pronounce words the way we hear it, we not only mispronounce them but also misspell them. Examples:

Another usual FLI is the fact that we use certain words that we think Americans use but actually they do not. Example, Filipinos often say “ball pen” but supposedly it’s just “pen”. We say soft drinks, the say soda. We say pictorial, they say photo shoot or simply shoot. Another is the way we tend to translate English statements literally resulting in grammatically wrong sentences. Examples:

As for personal experience regarding FLI, I was called for my mock call and the following conversation took place.

Trainer: Hi! I’ll give you a minute or two to get rid of the nerves before we start.

Me: *exhales* Great! So I could go tumbling or do yoga?

Trainer: Actually, “tumbling” is an FLI. You should have said, “I’m going to do a cartwheel”.

Me: *crap* *whispering to myself* I should have kept my mouth closed. 

Also, I would like to share how my workmates and I talk in Baroque English after shift. This one’s intentional though. And we often do this when our so-called English has already expired. 

Filipino statement: “Ikaw na!”

Our translation: “You already!”

Filipino statement: “Hiyang hiya naman ako sayo!”

Our translation: “I’m shy shy to you huh!”

Filipino statement: “Laglagan agad agad?! Iniwan niyo ko sa ere!”

Our translation: “Falling falling immediately?! You leave me alone in the air!”

I’m sharing this with you not for you guys to think that Filipinos are dumb in English. I’m sharing this with you for you to realize that despite of these minor setbacks, we are still one of the countries who’s way in speaking in English is well-acknowledged globally. First is because we get past our FLIs easily and second, our accent tend to be neutral. So Filipinos around the world should really be proud of themselves. 

P.S. Credits to Mr. Google for the photos I used. 

My Nocturnal Life

Hey guys. I know it’s been a while since I was last here sharing my thoughts with you. Namiss ko ‘to. Ang tanging oras na lang kasi na nakakapagsulat ako ay tuwing bago mag-umpisa ang training ko. Palibhasa kasi lagi akong maaga pumasok. So I’m back to update you with some of the things that’s been going on and let’s do it taglish style!

May trabaho na ko. Pero sadly, hindi as a writer at hindi rin as a nurse. I’m now employed as a call center agent. At oo, graveyard shift ako. Under training ako ngayon at masasabi kong muka namang di ganun kahirap yung trabaho (sana hanggang sa dulo, eto pa rin ang pananaw ko). Antok lang talaga ang kalaban ko. Ang hirap mag-adjust sa oras. I always find myself saying “My body clock’s all messed up”. Buti na lang bottomless ang coffee sa office.

Another thing that I somehow find hard to accomplish is the dress code. Thinking about what could pass as a business attire each passing day really boggles my mind. I find myself so stressed just with the clothes alone. Pano naman kasi bawal ang leggings, jeans, at capri pants. Ang preferred nila, office skirts, slacks o kaya dress. Di rin pwede ang sandals o open toes na walang heels. As much as possible daw dapat stilettos. Kaloka! Ang iniisip ko tuloy, “Yun bang sinusweldo ng mga tao dito sa damit lang nila dinadala?”. Grabe talaga. Bakit ba kasi hindi pwedeng casual na lang?

Isa pang pinoproblema ko ay ang EOP (English Only Policy) once you’ve entered the building. Mapa-guard, receptionist, janitor/janitress, o cook man sa pantry yan, dapat sa wikang Ingles mo kakausapin. Wag kang mag-alala, in english ka din nila sasagutin. Bragging aside, hindi mahirap i-turn on ang EOP mode. Ang mahirap ay ang pag-turn off. Paglabas mo ng building, yung iba nagmumurahan na sa Tagalog. Pero yung iba, hanggang LRT o jeep, bitbit pa rin ang EOP. Malamang nawawala na sa sarili dahil 8 oras ng nagsasalita ng english sa loob ng opisina. Sabi nga nung isang trainer ko, minsan daw sumakay siya ng jeep pagkagaling sa office at ng ipapaabot na niya yung bayad niya, ang nasabi na lang niya ay “Can you pass my payment please”. O di ba, san ka pa. 

So for now, yan na lang muna ikekwento ko. Abrupt ba ang ending? Pasensya na. May pasok pa kasi ko mamaya at kailangan kong magpundar ng tulog. I’ll write soon and I promise that the next one would be with a little more sense. 

P.S.  Yung photo sa taas, helpful reminders yan na binigay ng trainer namin. Why you should never assume, how long you should panic and what’s the essence of paraphrasing. 

Abe’s Farm

I promised that I’d write about our incredibly delicious dinner last night so here it is. It took place in a resort that seemed to be located in the middle of nowhere. But when we got to it, it was more than any words could ever describe. The surroundings were done in  a way where you’d feel close to nature. It revolves around wood, stone and all sorts of trees and bushes and flowering plants and well, I think you know what I mean. There’s an “earthy” feel on that place which is good because you would start to feel like for the first time in a very long time, you finally got in touch with the primitive form of your humanity, the form who knows no figure of technology.

Once you enter the restaurant, the feeling you get changes from the close-to-nature vibe to the welcome-home vibe, especially if you’re a Filipino. Why? Because the restaurant looks like a really large Kubo and everything in it, the tables, the chairs, the decors are all wood. You’d start to feel like you were thrown back during the early Spanish times here in the Philippines. The paintings add a classic hue to the place. The different levels of the restaurant adds a really charismatic grace and a curiosity-stirring perspective in the place. And when I say levels, I mean they have these small staircases that leads to what looked like a basement or a cellar and there’s this other one that leads to what seems like an attic. They also have this smaller set of steps that brings you to the elevated parts of the dining area where a few other tables are set up. The funny thing is, every time you turn to look at a different spot, you see different things. How come? Because no two tables or chairs for that matter, look exactly the same. Each piece of furniture is unique. Each decor that hang on the wall brings you on a different ride along history’s timeline. And to top it all off, the lights radiate a really warm glow that pulls everything together and makes you feel aloft.

For the food, in one word, it’s AMAZING. As to why, well, here are the reasons. First, their house specialties are named in a severely interesting way. For example, Lola Ising’s Adobo, Knockout Knuckles, Crispy Tadyang D’ Original, Sikreto ni Maria, Claude’s Dream and so forth. It will leave you wondering as to what mystery would unravel and what twist would blossom once they’ve put it on your table. Second, everything is cooked to perfection. Each piece of meat that you put in your mouth would feel like it’s melting because they are so tender. The way they season the food is great. The serving in each plate is bountiful. The flavor just explodes in your mouth. It would take you straight to cloud 9 once you started eating. Everything put together feels like you’re having a feast in your own dreams. And lastly, the thing that would make great food even better is good service. Everyone is so courteous and polite. And they are very accommodating. You’d feel very welcome and pretty much at home once you’re there.

Their other commodities include a pool, a museum, traditional houses that are actually room for the guests who would want to stay for the night and a fabulous spa. This is really an oasis, a paradise, or whatever good place you find yourself plunging into. This is the perfect place to unwind and relax especially if you’re already tired of the city’s pollution, hustles and everyday stress. So why don’t you take your time and drive by at 98 Livestock Village, Barangay Ayala in Magalang, Pampanga and swoon yourself away with the good things you’ll experience.

Here’s the link to their website, http://abesfarm.com.ph/